Yesterday when I woke up I was beyond excited, I had woken in the night several times; everyone with a smile and a look at the clock to see if it was close to being time to get up… When it was time to be up and about, I still had to wait until a civil time in which to call and see if I could come out and see the Horses…
I have spent years wanting to do this, and I came close while living in England, and yet the experience lasted but a day… After being upset on the phone and yet again just wanting to leave here; my friend said what was it that allowed you to get through in England??? She said you told me it was that you had made friends with people for yourself…
I had told her that was what I loved the most, was that my friends there did not belong to a situation in which they had to like me; it wasn’t from school, work, kids, or relationship… They are my friends because of me… I know how this sounds, and yet I also know who I am… Though I am outgoing, I am not quick to be outgoing; it takes a bit of time for me to know the type of people I am around and to assess what is acceptable in and amongst them, so I know who I can be with them…
Many people believe they know me, and I can assure you there are very few that do… Those that know me have looked beyond what is offered on the outside, to see where my drive comes from, what my true desires are, and how my heart works…
So my friends suggestion was to do something that was just for me, she had said maybe go downtown or to a farmers market and offer card readings… Not for money just for the enjoyment of it… You loved doing that in England and you were good, and you are a lot better now… This is in theory a great idea and yet considering that I have not been in a people space these days, the thought of having lots of different energies flowing through me randomly, does not at all feel yummy… So I took the idea and asked what I could do for me, and horses came back up… How about lessons, I am in a place where if I do not do a lot of foo foo things I could manage this… Yes, I decided I will take lessons… I spoke to a friend at work, and she made some suggestions, and I pulled up a bunch online, and read a bit about them…
And here we are it is time to call, and I get two of the four on the phone, the others I left messages could I come and see what they are like… First will be at one and the other after three… I was so excited that I was ready on time and out of the house with plenty of time to spare, I had one quick stop and a thirty minute drive… No problem at all, and then there is a backup, on Saturday afternoon… Hmmm, I get through this make my stop turn and head towards the stables… More traffic, really heavy this time, so much that I have to call and say I will be late… So for a mile we move one car length at a time, and the clock hits one; at two minutes after one the lane I need opens completely and I drive past everyone to get on the freeway, there is no traffic the whole way from there and as I do, I think maybe that is a sign not to go to this one???
I arrive a half hour late and she asks how I hit traffic on a Saturday??? I explain and we go to meet her training horses… Beautiful horses and she spends lots of time going over lineage blah blah blah… She tells me about a fundamental class that she is giving, and about some equipment stuff, and I ask what do lessons look like and she goes off in some other direction, not really answering… I am just trying to decide can I spend two hours a week with this woman??? Will this be worth it for me??? She reminds me of someone that I have a difficult time with sometimes… hmmm… We talk a bit more and I ask some questions about weight and physical issues that I have been wondering about… She takes this opportunity to tell me that she lost 36 pounds last year through weight watchers and that yoga has been great for her balance… She realized that her portion control was way out of control and through walking, yoga, and weight watchers she is much better now and that she felt it would be very beneficial for me… That it would assist with the weight as well as to center me within my body physically and mentally… That if she was to get a larger horse she would let me know, but to sign up for her fundamentals class, and we could spend the summer going through everything from the ground…
LOL… Here we are again, other people’s judgments of my body… Why not shut the fuck up… What happened to if you do not have anything nice to say do not say anything at all… Anyway…
It takes me thirty minutes to get back to my area of which I have another thirty minute drive to the next one… During this drive I went to all the places I tend to go when someone makes comments like this to me… I am bad, I am not worthy, I am not loveable, I am not good enough, and this is a punishment, and so on… It is a dark place that unfortunately I feel comfy in… And then… I was no, that is not my shit that is hers, there is nothing wrong with me, and she does not for a moment know me… This is her judgment not mine, and I send it back to her… I stop for lunch and remind myself it is perfectly ok to be hungry and that if I am going to be centered for the next, I will have to have lunch… So I breathe, have lunch, and continue to send her stuff back to her…
This is my gift to me and she will not ruin it for me… I do not have issues finding the next academy, and upon arriving I am not sure which of the five buildings it is, so I call and take pictures of the pretty horses… A minute later she comes out and, takes me into the arena… I get to see where they board horses and the training horses… I tell her I do not have a horse at this time, that I have not ridden in a very long time and that what I would like is lessons that start from the ground up… I want to know everything, she smiles and says ok, let’s look at the schedule… No issues at all *I knew in her energy she was not fussed, this is what she does*, she says it will be a lot of information all at once and you will feel very overwhelmed at first, that horses are hands on, and that is the best way to learn… YES!!! We have a winner… Riding lessons,two hours a week … Whoot!!!
How Does It Get Even Better Than That???