Author Archives: Laaylah

TweetDo you ever feel completely unappreciated? It seems where I live the more I do the less I am liked. The more I give the more that is taken. Why is that? Why is that when I feel your anxiety of lack I want to fill it up so you no longer feel that anxiety, and the instinctual response is to take more? When my children were younger 7-12ish my son had developed this way of getting more. I would buy pop tarts for them. I would buy flavors I knew each liked, however my son liked all of them and my daughter only liked certain ones. So he would … Continue reading →

TweetWhy is it; every time I turn around there is someone else angry at or around me? Each time I seem to have one mess cleared up another begins. What is it I am choosing that is bringing this about? Am I creating the anger or the need for solution? Why is it that when you are angry, you choose me to be the recipient of your lash out? Why is it that I choose to let you lash out at me? What is it that makes this an acceptable choice? Why are you surprised when I ask you if I have in some way upset you; when you choose … Continue reading →

TweetIt has been 30 years, literally! You would think I would be over it, that I would have let it go? Apparently I have not mourned it properly, as this seems to be all I can think about. I do remember whining about it, wishing I could change it, wanting a do over, and desperately obsessing over all the details of a relationship that never found its full potential. I remember that I did not cry, but then I rarely actually cried back then; whine, snivel and moan yes, actually cry, no. As I have said before my method of getting over one has always been to get under another. … Continue reading →

TweetThe universe is funny. I have been writing this book about me and going over those teenage years. Trying to remember the order of things, who did I meet when? What school was I in? What friends did I have? Where did I live? The timeline is important to, much of the story. Though as I am sure you know, the further you get from a situation the more blurry it becomes. People and situations just melt together. So to try and get more clarity, I have aimed more for the feeling of that period, which helps the memories come rushing back. Specifically I am working on fourteen to seventeen, … Continue reading →

TweetThis is it! The moment that we have all been working and waiting for! This is the moment created by Tears, Truth, Heart, Light, Joy, Faith, Hope, Strength, Kindness, Compassion, and Most of All Love! There is no going back, there is no undoing it! The transition is upon us. This is not like so many times before when we have come together and it did not succeed. We are farther than we have ever been, we have moved past so much, we have held together when we could easily have let go. This time it is! This planet and this universe will never be the same; we have moved … Continue reading →

TweetHow Blessed are you? Do you see the miracles all around you in everyday life? I forget somedays how truly lucky I am. Today I slept in, and I have had coffee, rewashed a load of laundry and put another load in, I have stripped the bed, and emptied the dish washer, and put the dirty dishes in, and I have played solitaire in between all while listening to the end of a book. This is what I usually do Sunday morning, nothing out of the ordinary. Until; I was standing in the bathroom, starring off at a painting hanging on my wall. I should also mention that, today is … Continue reading →

TweetThe man sat in that chair and told me I need balance! He said “your life is a series of extremes!” He said “I could not have a love in my life at this time, because I project those extremes on him; and that it is too much for anyone to handle!” He said “I needed to take a year and find balance!” He said “I needed to make friends, to ask for friends.” I have spent the last six months trying to remember this, trying to let it all go and find balance! What The Fuck is balance? How do you find balance? What does it look like? Where … Continue reading →

TweetI signed up to drive for Uber last week and was approved yesterday morning. So I am an official taxi driver now…I still have my day job though I am totally itching to quit and do this full time. I like it, visiting with people and driving is way more fun that sitting at a desk trying to remember all the ins and outs of the automotive business; especially at month end. Month end is this excruciatingly awful experience where you have to make it all balance together while working 12 hour days in which all you can do when you get home is eat and fall asleep, hopefully not … Continue reading →

TweetCan you say fiasco? Well I can! This week has been just that. I started my new job on Monday; did I tell you I finally got a job? After another two months of being without work I have gotten a new job. Well sorta new. Here’s the story; about two years ago, when I first moved to the studio apartment after that whole ex-husband thing, I took a temp job with a prestigious car dealership as an operator. This was supposed to be a temp to hire position. It became very clear within a week that I was not going to be hired, as well as I did not … Continue reading →

TweetDo you fear the silence? Do you wonder if there may be something actually wrong with you when you cannot let there be silence? I sometimes *often* play songs again and again to keep there from being silence, to keep from hearing all that is going on around me and from within. Sometimes I play sad songs to feel something other than nothing. Do you do this?