How long will it take until I get it??? What will it take for me to see it??? When will I just accept this??? Despite that in one moment it appears one way; actions speak louder than words…
If he isn’t calling??? If he isn’t texting??? If it takes hours for one word responses??? Then he just not that into you… What is it they say in that movie??? If a man wants to see you, wants to date you, wants to be with you he WILL make it happen… That is as clear as it gets!!!
So on that note, it is time for me to let go… It is time to remember that as much as I have hoped and dreamed that there would someday be that one who totally understood me, that one who wanted to know me, that one who wanted to have all the details about me and in return to share his with me; that one heart that cherished me and mine… He isn’t coming, or maybe he showed up and took one look and bolted…
That dream from years ago??? Though they said he is real, though they promised he would come, they told me he was from my home, that he would get me, though he journeyed with me for three years, and though I can feel him now… What they forgot to mention is there was a possibility that he would not share this dream with me… That he would not choose it… That he would not see me… It is time to see this planets version of real…
I cannot fix it, it is not broken… It is simply not the way it is… It is time to face that it is quite possible the reason I could not picture the man ten years from then or now is that he isn’t there… He is just an image of a body and clothes with a feeling… He isn’t real… I can hope, I can believe, I can have faith, and yet I cannot choose for another… So I give… You win… I am done here… My heart is broken, and I do not have the strength to hold it together for another…
You know speaking of quotes from movies, the other one Under the Tuscan Sun… She says “Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn’t actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should.” Though this is not a divorce, it is the same heart break and feels way worse than that… I was so sure… Even now they keep saying it is real; I have to just keep repeating, stop saying that, if it was true, it would be, and it is not obviously, once again I stand here ALONE…