Yesterday I spent the whole day writing, this is unusual… I generally get up and do the check my mail, facebook, etc… Then I will write for a couple hours, maybe talk to friends… Though I spoke to with a friend first thing in the morning… I explained to her that I had to write this letter, and I wasn’t sure what to say, or how to say it… I started writing the letter just after I got off the phone at 9:30 and with few interruptions; I continued writing through until nearly 5:00… I had been up off and on throughout the night before with restlessness, a need to write this letter… I could feel urgency around it; I took my friends advice and started with questions, as I am sure you have noticed I usually end with them, though sometimes they are also throughout… What do I say that allows this to be what is required in this moment??? As I write this letter I notice that it quickly became every conversation I have had with this person in my head over the years… I am asking the energy, if it is light, I am questioning the amount of information I am giving… I am sharing what was really going on in the background of what were our typical conversations… *Maybe I should tell you that my friendship I share with this person is very unusual for me, and yet completely honest in its nature, we rarely speak about ordinary stuff…* This letter goes on and on; two thousand words before it is complete… I read and reread it before ending it, thinking are you sure this is a lot to tell anyone, and what is to be done with it all???
Honestly it felt good to finally say it, which is weird all by its self… Usually I get knots in my stomach, and feel sick when I share like that… I like most people share what I want you to know, and yet this time I was guided to share even the parts I don’t like or that make me wiggle uncomfortably… Some of it I know I have said before, if not entirely, definitely in pieces… The weirdest piece of all of this is I sent it, I said it was being sent and I did, every time I thought about it there was no knot, and when I watched the energy around it, I found that I smiled more than freaked out… I am guessing it has to do with my willingness to be vulnerable, and knowing that no matter how it is taken, I gave it in truth…
How does it get better than that??? What are the infinite possibilities??? How could this be better than anything I could ever plan or imagine???