I talked about you last night… It’s been a while since I let me do that… Instead I try to keep myself busy with others… I do not lay there and think about you in the morning anymore, mostly because I won’t let me… I don’t like that you believe that I am not part of you… I know you have decided to let go for the moment, I figured it would come to that at some point… I don’t like how comforting it was just having you in my energy, even when you chose not to be in my life… I just realized it today, while making coffee… I have been sleeping in again, something I stopped doing while you were here… All that; I have to get up and live energy of yours, despite your conceding that there may be life in bed as well… Your messages are slowly deleting themselves from my phone, as time goes by, soon they and you will be gone from there too… I asked about you before I left on my trip… I asked mostly what I already knew, like about how you feel to me, about how you do not remember me… I asked if it was done, and I asked if you would show up??? Of course I already knew the answers to all this… Not that they were the least bit comforting, probably just more confusing really… I know it will all sort itself out… I know I have to let go of you for now as you have of me, and yet clearly I have not yet done so… With so many endings in my life I had so hoped you would not be one of them… At least not energetically… It still amazes me how just one text from you could make my whole day, how it didn’t matter if you spoke to me after, just good morning… I spent a lot of time watching the clock at night to predict your sweet dreams, sometimes jumping in so the silence wasn’t so loud… It still blows me away that for someone I knew so little about, you could have such a profound impact on my life, and it still feels like you had been there all along… I have been reaching for anything that feels even close, only to discover it is not the same; yes there have been people that I have had true connection with, though it is not the same… It’s not the same, another theme in my life… Worse I can’t even get a clear reference as to why… In the world of me this is where I struggle; why… I know there is no answer, there is no reason, there is no understanding, and it just is what it is…
For your information; you are not a bad friend, we simply didn’t operate from friend…. You did not hurt me, I did, and I chose to ignore what you were choosing… I would love to tell you; you are right it is all your fault and I did… You are right you continued to pursue what you say you do not want, which was extremely frustrating… Though if I had been honest I would have known to make you a friend, and stop trying for what you are not ready for, and may never choose in your life from anyone…
Why can I see you??? More to the point why can’t you??? What would it take for you to see you??? What would it take for you to see what I see??? What would it take for you to remember me??? Why is it that I have such an amazing gift, and yet it can be so painful at times??? Do you know what it is like to look into your eyes and know who you are, and then try to communicate with the ghost you use as a front to the true being you are??? It is haunting, I can still see them as if I am sitting at lunch with you right now… It is this way with so many beings, I can see them, and they cannot… Someday I hope that I will determine the difference, before becoming attached to the true being… Have I told you I can see us in other lives??? I have been gifted these visions with few and you are one… I see movies, they are like an entire year playing out in a fraction of a second… I don’t see the detail as much as feel the overall situation and beings… I see blips of people and know who they are by how they feel… There was a time when all this happened very seldom and I thought it was all my imagination… It happens a lot more now, and I welcome it, as well as I have been asking for my gifts to show up for quite some time… There are still moments that I think I must be making it all up; and yet it is all true… I am grateful for the gift of sight, of hearing, and knowing… I am also grateful you are here in this world with me, even if you choose not to know me… I will always know you… I too dearly wish you well…
How does it get better than that??? What else is possible??? How could all this be better than I could ever plan or imagine???