Recently I met someone who was so amazing and wonderful *one of many really*… Though in this case this person chose friendship with me… We hit it off right away and talked for hours… We have hung out a few times *and talked for hours*, and really it was just so easy and fun to talk with him, that I was truly grateful he chose friendship over anything else… It’s one of those times where having the friend over a romantic connection means that you get to keep your friend and therefore the friendship is the better choice… So about a month ago he went on a trip overseas, the last message I got was “landed safely”… I have sent several messages with no replies… I knew when he was supposed to be back, and messaged after that date… No answer, clearly he has no desire to speak to me… I have gone over it, again and again… I must have said something, he didn’t like??? Though I got the reply he was safe, so if I had said something before then would he have sent that??? I have no idea, probably me and my big mouth again… Wouldn’t be the first time I said something out of line… Anyway, here is another one of those places where I would think that the person in question would say what had happened… That I could apologize for my offense, and salvage a friendship, or know why it ended…
I know what you are thinking, anyone who doesn’t even give you a chance, doesn’t deserve your friendship… People have been saying stuff like this to me for my whole life… He is not worth it, he doesn’t deserve you, you’re too good for him, fill in the blank _____… Despite that tearful head bob of agreement, I still do not see this as true for me… I love, for me it is really that simple… If I bring you in my world, it is because I feel connection and I love… I would not like to see any being out in the cold without love… I know my love is powerful, and I know that I am powerful; I know my friendship is something very worth having, and that it will stand the test of time… It does not make me less when you choose something else… We all deserve friendship and love that holds through time… We are all worthy, of all that is worth having, especially love and friendship… I am definitely a unique, though so are you, and I will never be too good or anything else for you… In the end it is not me he is rejecting, it is himself; and I cannot express how my heart breaks that this is the choice… I saw, and still can see this being in my life, he felt like someone who would stay… I know I have absolutely no choice in the decisions of others; I have to accept his choice, and move on… I will of course do this, and when he comes to mind I will hope he is well, and wonder what happened… My heart will expand in the break and open just a bit more for the next being to come in…
As much as all of this has been playing out in the theme of my life lately, I have to say it is exhausting… I keep telling you, of all these deep connections, only for them to drop out of my life… In some cases it feels like I must have been deceiving myself, and yet I know, that I know, that I know… When I look at the energy, then and now, it has not changed… I have connection with these beings… Some clearly are short lived at this time, and there are others that are not…
How could this be better??? What else is possible??? What energy space and consciousness can I be that invites beings to stay???