Just Give Me A Reason…
The truth about love… It is messy and yummy all at the same moment…
How do you love??? Is it important that you like the person, or people that you love??? If you tell everyone you do not like the person or people, do you still love them??? Do you hide your feelings for that person by saying they are crap??? When you are angry do you talk shit about that person??? If there is a slamfest in honor of that love, are you the first to join in??? Do you date, love, marry someone who embarrasses you, whom you are embarrassed that you love, and therefore tell others what you think they think??? Are you willing to go to the ground for that love??? Will you stand in the room and take the judgment for that love??? Will you stand there and die for that love??? Will you stand in the background and let them choose what you can clearly see will tear them apart at every turn??? Will you watch as your heart is shattered that they are choosing to be used and broken, knowing that they have set this up for their own growth??? Will you jump up and down to get their attention, for them to see what everyone around them can see clearly???
Are any of these questions/statements what would be considered true love??? How can I look at you and see total judgment of you, and then tell you that I love??? How can I look at you and assume that I love better than you??? Which of us is better here??? Is there a better, when you talk of love??? You can copy me at every turn, you can assume that what I have is what you choose, and I can see what you choose before you choose it… So what… None of this changes love; it will be there the whole way… Hell I should be flattered that anyone would like to be like me, and yet I am stunned… I have actively chosen many of those things I listed and in the same breath claimed that I love…
When my first marriage ended, it took some time to see where I had sabotaged that relationship at every turn… I saw where I had chosen to confide in my friends my anger, irritation, embarrassment, betrayal, and many other truly unkind energies; about my husband… What I didn’t choose then was to tell them how I loved him, how deeply and truly grateful I was for him, how amazing he could be when he thought I needed him and he could be there for me, that he created the first stable space in my life, that he was a great dad to both of our children… After being extremely horrible to him, he was still willing to step in and help me years later when he thought I was in trouble… *Don’t misunderstand he was creating a lot of the drama we were experiencing; we are simply looking at what I was doing*… Understandably he chooses today not to speak to me… With all this said; I later discovered he had slept with my best friend, the one I had said all this horrible stuff to about him… Do you know what she said to me upon being confronted about it??? She denied it all, and when I said I knew, she looked at me confused and said “you didn’t even love him”… I was horrified, not that she had slept with him, that she truly believed that… She believed I had never loved him… So what does that say about me???
This was a very deep lesson for me, to watch not only what I say to the people in my life, what I say to my partner as well… If you were to ask, I am sure that the people I love know that I love them… Though there are still times when I join in the slamfest, generally I am feeling hurt, or ignored… Not a classy way to handle things and yet it is a human tendency… I know that I also say the good things too, that they are my friend, my love… What would it take for me to stay out of the drama, and simply see that it is all a choice??? If those beings are not choosing to honor themselves, it is for me to see that it does not have to be fixed… It is for them to discover why they choose it for themselves, when and if they choose to see it… I can point out all day where I think you need to grow, and yet when did that become my place???
How does it get better than this??? What part of all this trauma and drama am I using to validate someone else’s reality??? How lucky am I that I can see all the places I fall into the drama, and choose something else??? What would it take to know and remember that when another being chooses drama, I can choose something else??? What would it take to remember that their drama is not my drama, and I do not have to participate???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijja6E9JCLA
Pink – Just give me a reason from the truth about love album