Yesterday was such an interesting day… It started with a lovely visit with a friend, getting into those weird topics I love so much… We were discussing how to write evil characters… This subject has been on my mind for some time… It feels a little like the Meany head in my story is not nearly evil enough, and I am having difficulty determining if that is because this character is not the true evil doer or that I am not willing to let myself think what I consider true evil??? Which sends me off on the same yet different topic, what are you not willing to let yourself think about??? For example are you not willing to think about being so angry you seriously hurt someone??? Or maybe it is you are not willing to consider hurting someone you are romantic with by being intimate with someone else??? Are you not willing to consider this world after a devastating event??? All of these things flow into my universe… I get irritated by reality shows and their need to feed on the drama, and so on… All things I am not really open to having in my space… The question through the classes I have been taking is; if you are not willing to have these energies be part of you, will you know when they are there and it is for example; required for you to get the hell out or die??? If you are not willing to consider infidelity, will you know when it is happening in your relationship??? If you are not willing to be evil, will you know when someone truly evil is close by??? If you are not willing to be all of the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of who we all are, will you truly ever have all of you???
My friends will tell you all the lovely things about me, they will tell you I am beautiful, kind, compassionate, sweet, thoughtful, caring, sensitive, helpful and so on… The odds are they will not tell you that I am a bitch, I throw fits, I say horrible things about others when angry, I consider many things that are very unkind, that I have a potty mouth, that have hurt many intentionally, that I have done a lot of things in my past that I am anything but proud of… All of these are true… As much as I would not like to share all of my misdeeds, they are all part of who I am today… I like her and I am open to being all of her… She is amazing being changing in every moment… How does it get even better than that???
” Everyone knows diaries are just… full of crap.” Bridget Jones…
That being said, please remember when you are reading my blog that really it is just a diary of sorts… I am truly using it to get the crap that goes off in me, out of my head, so that I can move forward… This is totally about me, for me , and though there are many truths here, I am changing everyday, as are my truths… So what may be true yesterday is not today…