Damn!!! I have misplaced my all-knowing shoes again… Well here I am again, how lucky are you that I have chosen to show up here again and spew my mood upon those innocent onlookers of this planet??? I dare you to stay and hear what I have to say today… I could tell you I should not be here writing this for the world to see… Truthfully should is not my opinion, should is always belongs to someone else… I should clean my room; means someone else thinks my room should be clean, I do not join in with your I should not reveal my emotions where I choose and to whom I choose… I will tell you that I am granting those kind people who generally are the ones I call when in need of attention, a reprieve for the moment… I will also tell you that at least I am writing something even if it is complete and total crap that has nothing to do with anything of any real value whatsoever… Again I dare you to continue on this journey of crap, you have been warned and it is for you to choose from here… I have chosen to come here and emote, energetic motion, I have decided that if I have this place to throw these random pieces of crap, that it gets them out of me and they can follow their little physics path and become a new energy, hopefully that looks way more like the little molecular pieces of joy I would prefer were running around me today… Unfortunately for the moment that is not what they are… Did we find my shoes??? Clearly my soap box is here, lending me at least two full feet of condescending height for my revelations of the day…
I completely agree, align with, allow and accept my right to choice, I choose my choice in every moment… How does it get better than that??? However I am struggling today with your right to the same choice… Things that are me; I know, I know when you are there, I know when you are not, I know when you are full of crap, and I know when you genuinely are being you, I can see you, what’s more is you know that I am telling you the truth… I can perceive this, yes sometimes I see only what I would like to see, and yes sometimes I have trouble distinguishing what all the energy is through a desire to have what I would like to have when I would like to have it… I also know when someone truly sees me, and how completely unnerving that is, It does not change that when I know, I know… I have had the glorious opportunity of many teachers on my path, when I say this for me all are teachers, though in this particular case I mean teachers; people who are devoting their lives to assisting others in discovering their true selves as well as empowering them to be the truly amazing phenomenal beings that we all are… Through these teachers I have come to embrace how truly connected to the oneness of all that I am, growing and expanding everyday…
You have the right to choose who, what, where, and when, anyone or anything is part of your reality… You have the right to choose what is true for you… If you do not like it, you have the right to change it, manipulate it, or dump it altogether… Your choice, as it is mine… The part of all this I don’t like is that when you make a choice to exit my life, to no longer have anything to do with me, whether that choice is for a minute or a lifetime, I know it… I have chosen to know and I continue that choice for me… In this I would like to say, I don’t like when you choose to exit, sometimes you depending on who you are and what role you are playing in my life at that particular moment, are my grounding force, my glimmer of hope that things are changing, my distraction, my love, my sanity, maybe you were all these things wrapped up in one… I know that to put this on another not only gives them a power over me, it also dis-empowers me, so why would I choose that??? I have not as of yet found how to clear that, so for this moment I continue to ask why would I choose this, and how does it get better??? I know that by doing this, there is a very high likelihood you will choose not to participate, and exit *we are back to that very beaten path thing again*… Ultimately I have no say in your choices, as you have none in mine… I would like to say that knowing all this about me, does not stop me from having the overly exaggerated total moment of temper tantrum, of a very upset 2 year old not getting the toy they want right now, laying on the floor kicking, screaming, and flailing limbs and all… Honestly there are days in which I wish I could let myself embrace this complete fall apart, and yet I have some silly belief that I am a grown up and therefore am not allowed to truly behave badly… Instead I choose to do the action on the inside, and again you should be warned not to be in the vicinity when this happens, really not pretty…
So I guess a bit of what I am saying is; as much as I would like to hold my stiff upper lip, knowing you are simply choosing for you, what is truth for you, and that it truly has nothing to do with me at all… I liked having you in my life, and when you go I do not like it… I have no choice but to let you go, I will not chase you, I will not beg you, I will not throw things, I will eventually come to a place where I can be at peace with your choice, however that is not this moment, maybe it will be the next moment??? Today I miss you…