Understand??? This is one of my least favorite and yet one of my most used words… How often I say I don’t understand… How often my thoughts are tied up in the understanding of the energy, the thoughts, or behavior of someone else… I just begin to think I understand what they mean or how they feel, and Wham!!! The energy shifts again…
Recently I had been very sure, I mean very very sure of someone else’s feelings, I had been sure that this person was truly willing to be a part of my world, without judgment… I was finally beginning to relax from the needing to watch the signs, consider the comments and I had begun to simply take them for what they were… I cannot even express the joy of knowing someone cares about you even though you are shall we say eccentric??? Lol… Yes I know that is being mild; I am quite a bit more than eccentric… I had even gotten to the point of not having to believe the bad thoughts, they would come up and say I was fooling myself, or that is not what was meant, or maybe they’re just being nice, and that is not what was meant at all??? I squashed those thoughts for a while; only to abruptly hit that Damn wall again… I didn’t even see it coming this time… I was off floating in the bubble of excitement; and WHAM!!! It was over… And here I stand with a bewildered look and that sentence running through my mind again… I don’t understand; what happened??? I was on the phone with a friend and I said out loud, it changed… She confirmed what had been light up to this point was not anymore… Baffled I went back through what had I said??? What had I done??? Was it this??? Was it that??? None of it felt light, and yet it had changed… I thought well maybe I am just tired and not reading it right at all??? Though now I have had what I consider a clear confirmation, it changed… I have no idea why, I simply know it did… I am told the feelings are there, they are simply not being offered to me any longer… It has been established that I am not to have small details, and for me that shows a lack of trust… It says far more, than it doesn’t… I really thought there was something there, something really worth exploring… Apparently not…
So here I am back at the beginning again… Knowing someday, someone will choose to stay, he will choose to share, and he will choose to trust me, and that man will have my heart, and oh what a gift he will have…
How Does It Get Even Better Than That???