The other day someone said to me that his ex of many years was his friend and any woman that wanted to be with him would have to accept that this is how it is, and that this will never change… If the new lady in his life was unable to accept this she would have to move on… This is not the only man who has made this statement to me; in fact it has not only been said to me, it has been said about me to others…
My first instinct when this was said was to run, run like hell… I firmly believe each time it has been used in either reference I should have ran… Why??? It so clearly (in hind sight) shows how firmly rooted this man still is in an old relationship… It tells you right up front how he will cave to the past, how she will continue to interfere; whether she is aware of this interference or not… It says quite profoundly I am not ready to move on from the past… It also issues a challenge to the other party…
As you watch the other party begins to engage in a war, what will it take to remove the past??? Make me the one and only??? What will I have to do to remove her from his mind, his thoughts, and even his heart??? Sell the house, and move??? Sell their things and buy things together??? Remove all the old friendships from his life, and start fresh??? He will give them up, to the naked eye, as he tells you he loves you and you are the most important thing in his life… He will distance himself from those you do not approve of… He will quit the things you do not do, and he will become for you what you say you want…
As you embark on this war against a ghost, the time will pass, and frustration will slowly seep in… You will find that no matter the circumstances there she is again, in your house, in your things, in your friends… In places you had not thought she could get into… She enters from every angle tearing your relationship apart… You begin to truly believe she is the reason this is all happening; and yet it isn’t true…
He is still holding on to something that has not been healed and until he is willing to heal those old open wounds there will be no room for you, no room for anyone, the wound actually becomes larger with time… Each relationship that comes and goes, will add to the hurt as well as to the gaping hole made by the wound…
There is no purpose in pursuing this path, it does not end well; in fact it does not end… One day this ghost will come to you and tell you she has forgiven you and that she did so many years ago… You will look at her aghast that she has the audacity to infer that you had ever done anything that would require her forgiveness… Only to begin to see things from her perspective, to see where you were the interloper in her eyes, you were the new comer in the old game they play… Inevitably you will see that you have lost the war… As if there could have ever been a winner in war…
And he will say to the next one to come along about you what he said about her… She is my best friend, and if you cannot accept that we will not be able to be together; though in truth you will not be together for the wound keeps you apart…
Who is the wrong in this scenario; you, her, or him??? None of the above, you saw the signs, you read the pages, and he told you outright you will never come between us… What he didn’t say was that is because he is not willing to heal it, and thereby holds it in place… You cannot overcome a memory, they have powers that we know not… They are beautiful in ways they never were in reality… They are seen from a distance and filled with glamour… They are not real…
So when he says you will never come between us, he is telling you the truth…