Now there is a good question… I feel lost, broken, homesick, replaced, lonely… Can you feel replaced??? Is that a feeling??? Probably not… I have so many crazy little wants, everyone just another little broken piece, with sharp edges that cut… I hear all these words floating about, “you are replaceable”, “you deserve this”, “this is your fault”, “well, we are all on the fence about you”, and “you are a waste of energy”…
I could have taken the easy route; I could have kept what I wanted so desperately to be real, even knowing it wasn’t… I could have lied and pretended… Though it would have only led to misery all the way around… I could have pretended that, everything that happened did not… I could have shoved down everywhere I felt betrayed, hurt, lied to, crushed, used, and as if I were the conciliation prize… I could pretend that none of this is real, put on a happy face and fake it… I have tried, I just can’t do it, no matter how pathetic I look or feel in the moment…
I will get over it, I will let it go, I will heal, and I will feel happy again… There will come a day when returning to my home, no longer feels as though there is something missing… There will be a day when I no longer reach for the phone… There will be a day when I am joyful in simply being, I know it…
I ask you to please hold light for me, hold love for me, as I joyfully do for you…