What part of me sees true love as a Greek tragedy??? Can it be real deep earth shattering love if there are no star crossed lovers??? If everything is beautiful and amazing and no one refuses the others love even when it appears that that love has been dipped into corrosive acid??? Can it be real earth shattering love if it is amazing and beautiful in a way that is so far from amazing or beautiful; instead it is raw, hot, dark, unhappy in places, unkind, messy, compassionate, true??? Is it love if it is two very confused, angry, longing open hearted people coming together to share and shift towards a different reality??? If no one simply refuses to see that they love and can still have everything they would choose??? Even if that choice is not pleasant???
Do I really believe that real love is drama??? In order to have the love of my life, I must overcome years of strife??? Is real earth shattering love something you have to earn through pain, trial, and tribulations??? Is real love the story of Romeo and Juliet, Catherine and Heathcliff, Ross and Rachel, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, and every other almost but not quite, years of difficulty before embracing each other relationship; I have seen on TV or read in a novel??? Why is it that is what I have chosen???
Have you ever had the most amazing experience of your life and decided what you created with this person couldn’t be real??? So you have to leave refusing every part of your own nature as you did??? Have you ever made a judgment and a choice for someone else??? He could never love me??? Why would he love me??? He is so much better off without me??? I will just save him the trouble, the heartache, the choice and leave… Avoiding a rejection that never happened??? Why is it only when I am about to lose what I do not choose, I take notice??? This is not completely true, I have been noticing for some time… I simply made the judgment that he would not choose it with me… Despite being told over and over something very different, which I refused to believe… I took his choice making it look like I would not choose it and now I am begging, pleading, praying with my whole heart that he will not take my choice… That he will gift me the joy of him, no matter how that looks… I can see where I have contributed to this drama, and where my deep desire to be tragically loved, or at least to tell this amazing story of how we overcame all this bullshit that doesn’t matter at all, so that I could continue on the path of righteous victim that I have chosen to let play out here… I would truly like to choose something else now… I made a big mess, and he let me… We work well together in those realms… What would it look like if we took all that we know, and allowed each other the freedom to be the crazy mixed up beings that we are; and yet we did it together offering a hand whenever possible???